Will Online Dating Work for You?
I used to be able to make fun of people who used online dating sites without even trying. All I had to do was ask them where they met their date. They knew the stereotype. Online daters were losers who couldn’t get a date any other way. But making fun of my friends is not as much fun as it used to be. Online dating sites are becoming more popular than ever. Now a lot of these sites are targeting the mainstream and a lot of people I know have tried them.
The question is do these online dating sites really work or are they just a fad? I’ve heard some happily ever after stories about relationships that come from online dating but I’ve heard some horror stories too. Here’s how they generally go.
The Kip and LaFawnduh Scenario
In the movie “Napoleon Dynamite,” Kip Dynamite is a pale skinny geek from a small town in Idaho. He fits the stereotype of the kind of person we used to associate with online dating – someone who could never get a date honestly in a million years. LaFawnduh was a voluptuous and stylish African-American girl from the big city. They never would have known each other existed without the Internet, and they never would have known they were soul mates.
Online dating sites can potentially cut through the superficial barriers that keep compatible people apart. You can chat online with someone without worrying about people whispering behind your backs. People meet and fall in love online who never would have given each other the time of day otherwise – or who would never have had the chance to meet.
In addition, many people who don’t have the easiest time initiating relationships have found that online dating makes it easier to be themselves. They don’t have to think of reasons to call or make up excuses to get out of a bad conversation. The distance inherent in online dating can be a safety blanket to get through the brutal first stages of a relationship.
My Brother’s Scenario
When my brother was younger he wasn’t confident when it came to dating, so he reluctantly tried an online dating site. He met a girl online through the profile she had written, chatted with her online, and arranged a date.
On the way to their appointed meeting spot he realized he had forgotten the directions. When he called her, she yelled at him for being cocky. Later, during the date she told him why all men are jerks and specifically why he was a jerk. She hated men because she wanted to get married and no man would take her. I can’t imagine why.
To my brother’s surprise, she thought the date was a success and stalked him for the next few months.
When someone writes their own profile on an online dating site, they may not outright lie, but they all exaggerate. They use the best pictures they can manipulate. And they definitely don’t mention the medication they aren’t taking for their manic depression.
It’s easier to deceive people online than interacting in person because online we can control so much about what everyone else sees of us. This is what makes online dating dangerous. In person you can tell if someone has a shaved head with swastika tattoos or horrendous B.O., but you can’t online.
Which Scenario is Real?
Kip and LaFawnduh are fictional. My brother’s experience really happened. Is it possible to find your soul mate online in real life? I’ve known enough people for whom it did work to know it is possible. What makes the difference. Maybe some people just aren’t made for online dating. But I don’t think it’s that simple. The problem for some people may be the online dating site.
The online dating site my brother used consisted of pictures you could look at and rate on a scale of how good-looking they are. Members could write a short paragraph about themselves and list their favorite bands, hobbies, etc. In my humble opinion, this kind of online dating site invites manic depressives, pedophiles, and desperately odd people – stereotype online daters. But the best online dating sites do more.
With some newer sites, you are more likely to get what you think you’re getting. Modern online dating sites have features to make online dating safe and at the same time provide deeper personality matching based on psychology. The best online dating site I’ve seen is Heavenlymatched.com. They provide background checks, marital status verification, and they do virtual dating so you can see whom you’re chatting with on video if you have the hardware. This at least weeds out the worst of the liars.
But the best part of Heavenlymatched.com is their complex personality questionnaire. It creates a detailed personal profile that is almost impossible to fake. When compared with profiles of other online dating hopefuls, it will give your percentage compatibility and lots of information about how you will get along. It tells you about potential problems as well as points of compatibility. The site will list all the people in your area with whom you have a high percentage compatibility. You still get to choose who you want to chat with and meet, but you’re starting with people you’re more likely to enjoy being with. No lies or exaggerations, at least at first.
Because this personality profile is so in-depth, you may notice that it takes an annoyingly long time to complete. But when I think about the time and money I’ve wasted on women who turned out to be my soul’s bane, it is worth the afternoon.
Your choice of online dating site may be the difference between meeting your soul mate and having your very own stalker. Just like everything else, in online dating you get out what you put into it. Take the time and get a personality profile that will bring you good returns or take your chances with a self written paragraph and doctored-up picture.