Online Dating Sites: Not just for Lonely Losers Anymore
Online dating has had a bit of a stigma for being for people who can’t get a date any other way. But in the last couple of years online dating sites have found a lot of new clients. These sites are becoming more and more sophisticated and attracting more mainstream members. Online dating has come a long way. Let’s go down memory lane to see how far we’ve come.
Online dating through the ages
The first attempts at online dating were in generic chat rooms. If two people decided they wanted to get to know each other better they opened a private chat. Relationships that bloomed here were based more on the fact that two people were avant-garde (or nerdy) enough to have computers with Internet access than common interests or attraction. This was more like fishing than dating. You put your hook out and reeled in whatever bit. You didn’t know if you really wanted to keep it until you got it in your boat.
The second installment of online romance was the advent of Internet personals. These were basically like newspaper personals with a wider net. Internet personals were better than the chat rooms alone because you could read a bit about the person (that they wrote) and what they were looking for in a companion. This gave at least some criteria for narrowing the field based on personality or compatibility. But this is probably where the “just for losers” stigma for online dating came from. Here you could lie about your job (or marriage status), send a picture from a magazine, and sneak into a romance. Since there was so little to guarantee you were getting the person you thought you were, relationships from Internet personals didn’t tend to last long after the actual meeting.
Finally some people got the idea to make full service online dating sites. It took a few years for the Internet to become saturated enough with mainstream romantics to provide would-be daters any variety of appealing options. These sites used primitive compatibility quizzes like the one my junior high school gave me in 9th grade. They matched students with each other based on whether we liked pizza or hamburgers, watching movies or playing mini golf, and so on. Profiles were still kind of shady here but at least you could both have a good time playing mini golf if you ever met.
Modern online dating sites have made a lot of progress. Their compatibility questionnaires aren’t as cheesy because they are based more on psychology than pizza. Today’s online dating sites also have ways of exposing liars. Generally, online dating is safe with services like background checks and marital status verification. Technology has improved as well. Most people now have video chat capabilities. This makes it harder to get away with cutting pictures out of magazines.
What is the best online dating site?
So now that online dating sites have come so far, which one is the best? It depends on who you ask. If you found your soul mate on an online dating site then of course you’ll swear by it. If you have a new worst enemy from an online dating site you’ll swear about it. But from a philosophical perspective there are advantages and disadvantages to different approaches.
Although compatibility questionnaires are fairly advanced now, different online dating sites focus on different attributes. Some cater to clients with an underlying fetish like a particular race or religion. I even saw one specifically for large women and their admirers. This kind of segmenting is not new but is still strong. If there is a particular attribute that is a deal breaker for you, look for an online dating site that emphasizes that attribute.
Even non-segmented online dating sites have different approaches. One well-known site claims they match people on 29 dimensions of compatibility. In my opinion, beyond some key values, compatibility isn’t always the best determiner. Most people don’t necessarily want to be with someone exactly like themselves, or choose all the attributes of their partner. Differences make things interesting. In my experience, you just know her when you meet her.
One of the best online dating sites I’ve seen is Heavenlymatched.com. I like this site because it focuses on how different personality types tend to interact with each other as much as on similar interests and values. It tells you about challenges you could face with each match as well as strengths.
I think one reason online dating sites have become so popular is that they actually work. They manage to cut through the superficiality and mind reading games of early dating and let couples focus on enjoying each other. At the same time, they don’t give the impression that relationships are easy. In the end, it’s up to people to make their relationships work. Going into relationships with the expectation that it will take effort contributes to success more than anything else. Whatever online dating site you decide to use, good luck and work at your relationships.